Dear Mrs. Huckabee: Girlfriend I don’t know how you put up with that man!

Seriously, don’t you want to sit down over a cup of coffee, who am I kidding, a glass of wine, and talk to the wives of some of these politicians. I want to know what these ladies are thinking? I want to know why, if their husbands are so anti-birth control, that they don’t all have 19 children? Oh, I want to know stuff, but since most of them won’t be sharing any time soon, I propose something else!

So, here is the deal. From now on, if you want to be in an elected position you have to take a test, like the SATs or the GEDs or the boards that lots of folks take to qualify for the jobs they do. Teachers take them, lawyers take them and from now on I think politicians should take them also.

They don’t have to be complicated tests. They don’t need to take hours or contain Algebra (don’t be scared). However, they do need to contain some very simple information: basic English and the ability to communicate, some simple math and the ability to understand budgets, some very basic concepts involving climate science, maybe some history so that when you talk about the Constitution we know you’ve actually read it. Oh, and biology. I would like all of my politicians to have some basic knowledge of biology, particularly how it relates to humans and reproduction. Yeah, you can see where I’m going with this can’t you!

All I can say is, poor Mrs. Huckabee, poor, poor Mrs. Huckabee. If you missed it, this is part of what her husband had to say this week about women:

“And if the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it, let’s take that discussion all across America because women are far more than Democrats have made them to be. And women across America have to stand up and say, Enough of that nonsense.”

His whole speech was insulting in ways I don’t have time to get into here. For those of you who are going to comment that the quote was taken out of context, blah blah blah, I challenge you to just Google “Mike Huckabee quotes about women.” Pour yourself a cup of coffee, you’ll be there a while. Then get back to the rest of us when you are done!

Since the Huckabees only have 3 children, my only guess here is that Mrs. Huckabee’s birth control method of choice is abstinence, dear sweet blessed abstinence from that ignorant buffoon of a man. I am sure she has no trouble controlling her libido around him! You go girl!

Yet, despite this incredible quote by Huckabee this week, the “Stupid Quote by a Male Politician” award this week goes to Representative Allan Rothlisberg who said “If I was a woman over 50, I wouldn’t need gynecological services.” Clearly, Rothlisberg must believe in the magical powers of the mysterious female body to know instinctively when it’s time to shut down and dry up! I’m assuming he took biology in the same class as Rep. Todd Akin, you know the guy who said “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.”

Least you think I’m picking on men here, no, I’m not. I’m picking on stupid. Do you remember Rep. Jody Laubenberg who believes that women who are raped do not need access to abortion because they can go to the hospital and “just use what’s called rape kits, where a woman can get cleaned out.” (No, no that is not what a “rape kit” does; it collects evidence, to prosecute the man who raped the women. Oh yes, by the way, this is not me picking on men again. If a woman gets raped and becomes pregnant, the evidence is clear that she was raped by a man. No really, a man).

Is it too much to ask, really? I just want them all to take a test. If you answer anything on the test with “because Jesus said so” you are automatically disqualified (refer to that pesky separation of church and state thing). If you do not know that getting pregnant involves both a man and a woman (egg and sperm) then you are automatically disqualified because gentlemen I hate to tell you but all those pregnant women, all those single moms, all those ladies seeking birth control, they are not self-pollinating! At some point along the way a man was involved and why, why are we leaving the entire burden of this situation, still in 2014, on women!!!!

It turns out that the best quotes, and ironically the most accurate information, that has come out lately about reproductive rights were from Comedian Sarah Silverman in her new PSA at There are a few history and science lessons in there some of you need to hear! Yes, it’s outrageous and many of you will be offended. (That’s why I can’t quote it here). Watch it anyway!

Oh and by the way, while I’m at it, just another lesson for you Mr. Huckabee. Women like sex. It is okay for women to like sex and to enjoy sex in the same way men do, but when they have it with men (and not all of them do) both partners bear the responsibility to prevent pregnancy, or to then support the child this mother now has. No really. And the female orgasm is real. Oh, except for Mrs. Huckabee.



Karen Foley

About Karen Foley

Karen Foley, has successfully been writing her blog for the BDN since May 2011. By successful, she means a few people read it, and she has not been sued, stalked or fired since starting it.