“Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it!” Frank Castanza, Seinfeld
While I usually try to keep my online presence, and my life in general, very positive, I think the airing of grievances every now and again is cathartic! What a better way to rid ourselves of 2014 and start out the New Year with a clean and hopeful slate!
So here is my list of grievances for 2014! Let’s try to do better next year people!
- ROAD CONSTRUCTION – While I’m a big fan of progress, my hope for the New Year is that we don’t need to dig up EVERY single road in Bangor at the exact the same time! Please!
- LIES – Especially in the media! Remember when you could trust that journalists were doing their best to discover the truth, rather than promoting their own agenda. Remember when politicians and political ads had some standards, any standards, rather than blatant lies, exaggerations and manipulations. Wouldn’t that be a nice world to live in! I know its unlikely but let’s dream, at least until 2016!
- FOUR WAY STOP SIGNS- I will not rest until people learn the deal with these. It’s not that hard. Why, why people do you all sit there with confused looks on your faces? Please click on this link for “Four Way Stop Signs for Dummies.”
- WAR – The talk of war, the threat of war, the justification of this continued mess in any way shape or form, or as George McGovern said, “I’m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.”
- PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW BASIC MANNERS – What is going on? Do we blame reality TV, or drugs, or Obama or what? When did it become okay to argue with your spouse out loud on the phone in a public place, or to discuss your medical procedures with strangers on the bus, or to allow your children to roam through stores like mobs of destructive orangutans? Have some pride people! My grandmother would be sending most of you to your rooms!
- DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – I am so, so tired of women and children being murdered by men who claimed to love them. Please, let’s all work on this one together. Enough already.
- THE ARGUMENT OVER HOLIDAY GREETINGS – People are trying to be nice when they greet you! Really folks, get something real to argue about. Merry, Happy Whatever!
- TWERKING – Enough already.
- BITCHY WOMEN – You know who you are, I’m sick of competitive, bitchy, mean women who can’t support and uplift each other! We aren’t in Junior High anymore, cut it out. Please see my blog on the importance of female friendships at Not Your Mother’s Menopause!
- INEQUALITY – Really people, if you feel you have to open your mouth in 2015 to defend your racist, homophobic, misogynistic views, make sure you do it far from me. My response is unlikely to be patient or kind. I’m tired of trying to educate people who refuse to learn!
- COUPLE FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS – You look foolish, stop it! You are two different people. Are you so insecure you can’t trust what the other person will be doing online if you can’t see it? Speaking of which, there’s also couples who sign into each other’s accounts, or read messages on each others phones. If you can’t trust the person you are with, don’t be with them, period!
- BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE – Having spent some time working for one of the best customer service oriented businesses in the world, I have no patience for people who act as if my call is an interruption to their day. It seems to be connected to that lack of basic manners epidemic. Every company should take a look at LLBean’s company values – “a customer is not an interruption of our work, he is the purpose of it.”
- ELF ON A SHELF – For the love of god that thing is creepy. I think we can come up with a more intelligent way to convince our children to behave. If my parents had put something like that in my house I would have fed it to the dog when they weren’t looking!
- KIM JONG UN – Remember when the most annoying person in the news every day was Charlie Sheen? Those were good days. Although you have to give Kim Jong Un one thing, he takes the attention off our own crazy delusional Governor of Maine.
Thanks for indulging my griping. I feel much better. Here’s to a Happy, Healthy and Positive 2015! Happy Holidays! Happy Fesitvus! Now who is up for some Feats of Strength?