Dear Susan Dench:
I’ve finally figured it out! You aren’t fooling me. You are secretly a Liberal! This is just an act, to get us to see the stupidity of ultra-conservative views! Phew! We almost believed you there for a minute. I didn’t realize you were Maine’s own Stephen Colbert! The pearls really made the costume! Well done!
That column about the Pilgrims being Communists! I believed you! Priceless! I apologize for getting all worked up about that one! I wasn’t in on the joke yet! Calling Obama a bully, all the while defending the biggest bully on the playground, Governor LePage, genius really! Genius! And that one about how schoolboys need to grow into “real men!” Again priceless. I see what you are doing now!
I’ve been quiet for a while now, vowing myself to be less mean in the new year but now I can’t wait for us to share “libertinis” and a good laugh! My BBFs (best blogger friends) Amy Fried and Jim LaPierre, will be so relieved to learn this as well! Do you mind if I invite them for drinks?
I mean really, are we to believe you are accusing Liberals of being haters of free speech? Really! Proof that we are not is seen in the fact that the local newspaper (often called a liberal rag by commentors) continues to allow all of us to spew forth our foolishness. I was really upset with you at first, when I thought it was real. But thankfully, with every passing column your comedy act has been revealed.
This part was great: “They declare what is right and wrong. People who disagree with them are dangerous, ignorant, haters, racists, etc. Far from seeing freedom of speech as a blessing of liberty, they revile it, no longer hiding their contempt for the First Amendment — unless of course the protected speech is ideologically pure, indoctrination material to their liking.”
I think several of us have written that exact same thing about Conservatives! Are you cutting and pasting from our columns!? The irony is wonderful! Liberals don’t hate people who disagree with us! We just hate the haters, you know like those folks who protest at military funerals because we’ve allowed gay citizens equal rights and somehow they think that causes soldiers to die. We’re not very fond of racists either but Conservatives in general, I’m okay with. I even share DNA with a few. I even on occasion enjoy the Conservative columns of fellow bloggers, such as Aaron Prill’s Counter Culture. I don’t always agree with Aaron, but I am always willing to hear him out, and he is most often reasonable, intelligent and kind in his arguments. I respect that.
I really knew you were kidding when you started to defend Rush Limbaugh. After all, he is not exactly known for his “Christian” manners. In fact, I think he’s been spoken to more than once about just not being nice. No name-calling Rush, okay. And that book burning accusation, oh Susan, that had me lol-ing!!!
I’m not sure who the angry Liberals were you encountered at the Maine People’s Alliance! I’ve always found them to be really great folks! I’ll let them know you were just kidding! I would, however, like to know who it was that told you “you have the facts but I have the emotion.” Although I have no problem with passion and emotion in politics, I mean it should be no more concerning than your faith, both are personal and motivate us to change the world. These are good things, really. I’m sure you’d agree! I am rather concerned though, for this young man, who somehow thought you to be providing facts. We need to clue him in about the comedy act okay. Or maybe he needs to slow down on the medical marijuana. Either way, I’ll try to track him down and have a chat with him!
It’s been fun Susan! I enjoy waiting for your columns the same way I enjoyed lying in bed waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve as a child, knowing full well its all pretend, but wanting to play along. Keep up the good work Girlfriend! You win folks to the Liberal side every day. No worries. Your secret is safe with me!