Seriously? No really, seriously?

I took some much needed time off this week, spent time with friends and family and even hit the beach. In my unusually relaxed state, I have had lots of time for one of my most favorite activities, people watching. I am absolutely a people person. I love people, I really do! Of course, some more than others!

My observations of the world this week:

  • People, please, look in the mirror after you put a bathing suit on! Really, some people can pull off the itsy, bitsy teeny weeny bikini. Most of us can’t! When people say “less is more” they were not talking about your bathing suit options.
  • It might be a good idea, for all the rest of us, to also stand in front of the mirror and pose in other positions in that bathing suit. Sometimes movements like say . . . bending over, can change how that thing looks on you. Please consider this.
  • Ladies, if you are going to be daring and go with the tiny bathing suit, please break out a razor first. I know it’s ugly to write about, it’s worse in person.
  • Nothing says Summer Time like Facebook profile pictures of feet in sand!
  • Dear Angry Parent of the little, whiny, person. I too, am hot, tired and sandy and have to fight the urge to throw myself down in the sand and kick and scream sometimes. Please be more patient with all of us.
  • Tattoos do not make everything prettier they just draw attention to it. If you want to show off your tattoos in public, please put them on places other people will actually enjoy seeing.
  • If you would not pull your clothing out of your butt cheeks, or rearrange your man parts in public any place else, what makes you think it is okay to do it in front of strangers on the beach?
  • Dear Angry Lady on the cell phone doing 80 on the interstate. Pull over or shut up!
  • Nothing puts life in perspective like time spent staring out at the ocean.
  • For those of us who were in high school in the 80s, I know the urge to have “big hair” is a strong one. I understand, I too have struggled with this. You must resist it. There are support groups that can help.
  • Alcohol does not make everyone more fun at parties. Really. There is video to prove it.
  • It’s hot out. We are all aware but thank you for complaining over and over again. That makes it much better.
  • Middle aged women should not try to wear the same styles as their twenty something daughters. There are very few women who can pull this off and they all live in California, not New England. We are getting older ladies, make peace with it and find a style that works for YOU!
  • Speedos do nothing for anyone, regardless of their age. Please stop wearing them. They only embarrass all of us. Please.
  •  Holding your stomach in when you meet people you know on the beach does not work. We can all see that you are holding your breath and still trying to talk and are relieved that you are the one talking, as it leaves us free to hold in our own stomachs . . .

If I offended anyone, please understand it’s the heat talking. I would never mention most of these things normally. No, really. Happy Summer!

Karen Foley

About Karen Foley

Karen Foley, has successfully been writing her blog for the BDN for over two years. By successful, she means a few people read it, and she has not been sued, stalked or fired since starting it.