What kind of a parent puts a baby on a plane to Africa?!

Me, that’s who. I’m that kind of parent. Being a mother is damn hard. There is just no way to sugar coat it. Sometimes it just plain sucks! I’ve talked a lot to all of you about the challenges of parenting teenagers and then parenting/not-parenting adult children. But if you haven’t read any of those columns yet and your children are still very young, brace yourself before you read any further. Whatever you do, don’t go back and read any of the older ones either unless you are very, very brave. I don’t want to ruin it for you!

On the other hand if you have adult children, let’s talk! I have four grown children in their twenties and thirties (and few extras who showed up at the house). When I come upon another parent having a rough time I feel it is my duty to offer up stories to help them feel better. While I don’t claim to be an expert on parenting, I have done a lot of it and, at the very least, the kids and I survived it all! No matter what the issue, I can guarantee, if you can conceive of it one of my kids has done it and I have a story about it. Together we can laugh and/or cry and hopefully when we are done we’ll both feel better.

Do you have a daughter dating someone you don’t approve of? I see that stoned-slacker-boyfriend and raise you an unexpected husband. Oh yeah! One of mine came home, when she was only 19, with a husband she hardly knew that she had married in Vegas. See what I mean? It can really put things in perspective can’t it?

Isn’t it nice when your own personal drama can help others? Makes it almost worth it doesn’t it? (Read sarcasm there).

My oldest daughter, who is my second child, was the first to fly to a foreign country, France, when she was a senior in high school. This was pre-9/11 and you could still track flights online. I followed her online all afternoon comforted by the airline’s updates “status of flight – in air.” She was also the first to move across the country. I told her she could go anywhere but not to cross any oceans, so she and my future son-in-law picked Sacramento, California where they were serving for a year with Americorps. I honestly was not expecting them to leave more than one time zone. They came back eventually but I still haven’t gotten over it. So remember, when you tell your children they can go anywhere after high school you might want to be more specific.

Dropping my first-born off when he left for boot camp was traumatic but not as hard as when we dropped him at the Greyhound station in Portland on his way to a year in Iraq. He was taking a bus to Boston to catch a flight from there. I will never forget that morning. We were running late and the bus was ready to leave. We said good-bye quickly and he boarded. A few minutes later he was back in front of me in the station. I didn’t understand why at first. It turned out, he had told the bus driver he was leaving for Iraq and hadn’t properly hugged his mother good-bye. The entire bus of passengers gladly waited for him.

Made all that crap he pulled in high school worth it, every single bit of it.

I recently ran into a fellow parent downtown. It had been a couple of years since I last saw him. My youngest daughter and his daughter were good friends in high school. We spent a few minutes recapping some of the highlights of our daughters’ high school years. “Remember,” I said to him, “the time when they told you they were staying at my house, and told me they were staying at your house and instead they threw that big party while you were away ice fishing” . . . . insert here dozens and dozens of Bangor High kids, lots of red solo cups, and several police cars in a normally quiet West Side neighborhood. You get the picture. There were a lot of grounded teenagers in Bangor the next few weeks after that but no one suffered any permanent injuries. As parents, we helped each other through it then and we can laugh about it now!

Now don’t get me wrong. I have really great kids. I’m sure if you have been following me awhile now you have heard me brag a little about all the great things they do; college, the military, their own businesses and lots of travel and service work! They have truly amazed me with their capacity to dream big things that I never could have imagined for myself when I was their age. However, during the teenage years that thirst for adventure, that confidence and bravery, sometimes did not serve them well. But that’s why teenagers have us, to rein them in, to keep them safe, and to oversee things while they test the waters that will eventually be their futures.

Then they cut the ropes that kept them tied to the dock and off they go and all you can do is stand there waving and crying from the shoreline.

Do you know what I did this week? I dropped my youngest off at the airport for a trip to Ghana. That’s right fellow parents, Africa! Now who does that? Who lets a baby go to Africa (see cute picture attached)? Seriously! You may have heard me talk about this already. She has been planning it for months and no amount of whining or “but what ifs” on my part could stop her. Okay, she may be in her twenties but she is still my baby. You get that, right! She is spending three weeks volunteering for an organization called Cross Cultural Solutions.

And if you have a little one at home, keeping you up all night, crying for no reason, filling diapers faster than you can change them, enjoy every single precious moment of it, but don’t let that sweet look on his/her little face fool you! You may believe they are thinking only angelic thoughts behind that innocent grin but I guarantee they are already planning how they are going to bust outta that joint!

Karen Foley

About Karen Foley

Karen Foley, has successfully been writing her blog for the BDN since May 2011. By successful, she means a few people read it, and she has not been sued, stalked or fired since starting it.